Life check-in time!

I got my glasses on, my peace sign out and Spain on the horizon.

Happy June! It's a new month and (hopefully) the beginning of a beautiful summer.

Okay, first off, 2026 has been A LOT. (Do I say that every year?)

Do you feel the same?

Here's what I know for sure. In my 11th year of sobriety, I think I'm finally learning the meaning of surrender.

I set myself up well at the end of 2025, choosing the word A L L O W for my word of the year.

Right on time, at the end of January, the universe decided to drop a few very prickly situations into my lap, providing the perfect opportunity to practice surrendering to what is.

I became a solo parent to my 20-year-old son who lives with disabilities, fully responsible for him, his present and future needs, his mental, physical and financial health. I gained all of this and at the same time, lost a co-parent and the kinship that was a part of my life for a long time. Even though hurt and anger quietly simmered at the surface of it for well over a decade, this split and the relationship grief, is real.

The logistics of my new circumstance set other things in motion. Aside from catapulting me out of retreat commitments I had in the spring, my home life changed. I had always had respite when Greyson went to his Dad's home. There was time to decompress, to be alone with my partner, to be alone with myself! And to do any and all things that were difficult when Grey was around. That vanished and forced me to change. I can see now, it was for the good. Instead of lamenting my losses, I've spent the last few months connecting with other high needs parents and organizations, all coming together to create supportive situations for their adult children. I feel as though I am making some headway in figuring out my son's future and feeling encouraged.

But for me, before change happens, there's the letting go...

Picture me and the prying-off-of-my-fingers that are curled tightly around the precious and perhaps toxic person, place or thing. The start of this process has never been easy for me. It's a murky pond or a blinding snowstorm; thick and suffocating until I realize that change has arrived. But once I open that door, oh boy, do I ever. I become as sure-footed and wide-eyed as my growth allows. The cycle begins again.

I (impossibly) turned 59 last month. I am so glad to be my age! The aging and corresponding identity struggles I've experienced in the last few years are starting to ease. I've become accustomed to going bare-faced. I've decided I hate bras and stiff shoes. Comfort is my new friend and my new style. As a former fashion aficionado, this has been a weird journey. And yet today, when I look in the mirror, I pretty much always like who I see. Aging gracefully feels a bit like a beautiful surrendering and I'm up for the practice. Aside from me sliding closer towards my sixties, my son turns 21 at the end of this month. I'm happy to tell you that one day, not too long ago, he look at me dead serious and said completely out of the blue, "Mom...I don't think I'm going to drink alcohol". You can imagine the absolute glee that I had to supress. I regained my composure and casually said back to him, "I think that's really smart, Greyson." I'm very proud that my 21-year-old could care less about the legal drinking age.

And then there's recovery. I recently started doing Co-dependents Anonymous work with my sponsor. It's not the first time I've done it, but somehow, the work is feeling more honest, and I believe I'm doing it with more humility. 2026 has shown me where my codependent behaviours have been hiding and I'm digging them out. It's still a little "ouchie" at times but the clarity is there.

Okay last couple of newsy things I want to tell you...

I'm writing a book! I've been working with the incomparable Ann Dowsett Johnston, author of "Drink, The Intimate Relationship Between Women and Alcohol" which is a game-changing book for anyone questioning their relatonship with alcohol. She has been mentoring me in a small group writing program and I've been making a lot of headway which means I'm writing consistently AND understanding what I'm actually writing about! If writing is your jam, you can join Ann and I at the SHE RECOVERS From Memory to Memoir Writing Retreat in Cantley, Quebec this September. Ann will be offering her expert and insanely warm and spiritual guidance; I'll be helping you move it all with some SHE RECOVERS trauma-informed yoga and mindful movement.

I've still got a few spots left in my Expand Beyond Recovery La Anita Rainforest Jungle retreat (the third annual retreat at the incredible La Anita Rainforest Ranch in Upala). And (eek!) in a few weeks, I'm heading to Spain for my sold out House of Light retreat, a nine-day immersion in the mountains of Andalusia. Follow along with me on my Instagram account @expand.beyond.recovery. We'll be documenting and posting daily; the location and retreat center are amazingly beautiful!

As per usual, I'm living part-time in the latter part of the year, starting to plan for fall 2026 with my Embodied Book Club program. I'll be starting with a new book on what I know to be a hot topic in recovery - S H A M E - by therapist and author, Dr. Zoe Shaw. A second program will also be rolled out and here's my question for you:

Is there a recovery and/or healing-related topic you'd like to dig into this year? Perfectionism? Authenticity? Compassion? Nature? Creativity? Women's physical health? What?!

Is there a book that you think would be well-served by the Embodied Book Club? (Keeping in mind, I look for authors that are up for doing a Q&A Zoom call with us.)

Please feel free to reply back and share!

And please feel free to reply back and share YOUR news. I'd love to hear how you are navigating life in 2026. (And I'll also be clapping for you because life these days is no joke!)

I'm so grateful for you...that you are a part of the Expand Beyond Recovery community, and that we are journeying together. Sending love and vibes, here, now and beyond!

Payton